Its Sunday and a few things to write down.  Went last thursday for a sonogram of my kidneys. Have to say that it was a interesting experience. Let me be frank with you, I am not a hugger at least not in the past. I think it comes from being rejected so many times that I dont let anyone near my wall. Unfortunetly I didn't hug my kids when they were teens but now I do and they hug me all the time. I am glad they are forgiving and love me in that way. Anyhow, going back to my sonogram.. there was a woman there waiting for her friend to get something done (didnt ask) but, she started to talk to me and we ended up having a crash course on CKD (chronic kidney disease) she aske me a question. "Is it reversable?" I think at that point I wanted to cry. I responded with a no, unfortunetly it does not. She hugged me as if she knew me forever and said she was sorry. She almost made me cry. It was a nice experience and a much needed hug.

I notice that I am bruising very easily now and I don't look like myself.  More down not bright eyed like I use to be. I called my primary doctor and asked for meds to help me calm my nerves down. He prescribed Lorazepam. I am not a person who likes to take drugs. I do take my blood pressure pills faithfully though.  I am just going through so much in my life with my body, work and home that I feel a bit overwhelmed.

I remember the day where I can leave the house at 10am and keep going till 10pm. Now I have to come home after 3 or 4 hours and take a nap. Leave again and have to be back home by 8pm because I am exhausted.

I have to tell you about something that scared me out of my wits, that is if I had any wits at the time which I doubt . This happened yesterday, I went shopping for my cruise that I am taking at the end of this month. I was gone about 3 hours and came home to eat and take a nap. I then left again to see if I can find a swimsuit ( I look like shamu's mom no matter what I tried on) anyways, I left without making a purchase and headed downtown to pick up my equiptment for duty 6am sunday. ( I volunteer with victim services) Now, it was pretty busy downtown since every 2nd saturday they have music, vendors and entertainment... just a overall great time. My work is also downtown so parking is very.. I mean very limited. I found a handicap space (thank goodness for handicap parking permission thingys) and processed to go up and get my police radio, pager etc. Went walking for a bit and looked at what they were selling and noticed I didn't grab my paperwork so there I go up the elevator to get my paperwork. After leaving the building I called my daughter to see what she was up to since she was already enjoying downtown with her BFF. She wanted to go to a concert and had got me a ticket too. The concert didnt start till 9pm and ended till???? I was like.. no way, I was exhausted and it was only 7:30pm. I told her I was heading to the car and leaving and she needed to be home by 9pm. She was fine with that.  I got to my car and put my stuff on the trunk looking for my keys when I noticed my car was on (OMGOSH) THE KEYS WERE IN THE CAR AND IT WAS LOCKED.  Then again... was it locked?  I paniced, tried to roll the back window down and of course it wouldn't.  Decided to try the driver door and it was unlocked.  How could I have just simply left without locking the door or shutting the car?  Am I losing it? Is this the beginning of whats to come?   Is this my Sjogrens?  kidneys? or something else?  Am I reading to much into this?  Time will tell. Time will tell.